The Pattern Behind the Story

Every story we tell about our life has another story beneath it.

Not more true in terms of facts. More true in terms of patterns. Repeating themes. Reactions we have seen before. Sensations familiar from far away.

This practice is a written process. You need paper or a notebook. A pen. Quiet for 25 minutes.

Don't write "correctly". Write honestly. If you don't know what to write, write exactly that: "I don't know what to write and I feel..."

Step 1 · The Situation

Describe the situation. Only the facts. What happened. Who said what. What happened after.

No interpretations. No feelings. Only: what happened?

5 minutes maximum. No more.

Step 2 · The Reaction

Now: how did your body react? Not the thoughts. The body.

The stomach. The chest. The throat. The shoulders.

Write the sensations. Not why. Only: what do you feel and where?

Step 3 · The Familiar

This reaction. The body in this reaction. Is it familiar to you?

When before have you felt exactly this? Not something similar. Exactly this.

It might be from last week. It might be from childhood. Allow the memory to come without judging it.

Write: "This is familiar to me from..."

Step 4 · The Decision

In that moment, when you first felt exactly this, what did you decide?

Not consciously. Children don't make conscious decisions. But they do make decisions.

It might be: People are not safe. It might be: If I don't give enough, they will leave me. It might be: Better not to want, than to be refused.

Write: "In that moment I decided that..."

Step 5 · Now

That decision the young child made, is it still true?

Do you now have resources you didn't have then? Can you now do differently?

Write: "That decision helped me then, because... Today it no longer serves me, because..."

The pattern doesn't disappear when we see it. But when we see it, we have a choice.